Goodbye, My Love
by watchitstark
Summary: Narcissa does love Hermione, she does. But she could never love her as much as she still loves her beautiful flower. HG/NM past NM/LE


**Goodbye, My Love**

**Challenge:** 'Breaking up your OTP' competition  
**Challenger:** A Sirius crush on Moony  
**Pairings:** Established; Narcissa Malfoy nee Black/Hermione Granger  
Past; Narcissa Black/Lily Evans

Narcissa looked over at the young woman that laid to her left. All warm, soft skin and dark hair, chestnut curls strewn across the pillows, skin glowing in the early morning sunlight. She skimmed her fingertips lightly across a pale arm, trying not to wake her, but wanting to touch her. To check that she was real. This beautiful apparition that reminded her of time past. Of secret kisses stolen in draughty corridors, time spent together pretending they were nothing more than friends, handholding under the table. It all seemed to come rushing back to her as she tried to push them away, as she tried to put them back into the box from whence they came. Where she had been keeping them in the months that she had known this woman, this woman who was so like her last love. Fierce, passionate, highly intelligent, brave, beautiful, unique. Both middle class female Muggle-borns with so much potential. The time that she spent with her felt like she was betraying them both. Slowly falling in love with the traits that made her remember while Hermione fell in love with the blonde. It made her hate herself, but she was her crack cocaine, her drug, her substance. She felt almost as though she couldn't live without her but she couldn't live with herself if she stayed. Fiery tresses and emerald eyes flashed in her memory as she lay there playing with soft curls. Physically there was almost nothing about them that was similar, apart from the smattering of freckles that dusted the top of their cheeks and the fact that they were both very beautiful but had no idea the affect they often had on people. She loved them both, in different ways. She knew her beautiful girl, her Lily flower, was waiting for her up there, in whatever place it was that existed after death. The brunette was here, solid and beautiful and perfect. But it wasn't what she truly wanted. While in some ways it was. She knew she didn't truly love Hermione. She had had her one true love, and she had lost her, and it looked like she wasn't lucky enough to have a second. She wasn't lucky enough to fall in love with this beautiful woman who had fallen for her. She knew Hermione had, and she couldn't help herself. She was too selfish to let her go, to go back to her unhappy existence from before, even if she hadn't meant to hurt anyone. But somehow she had, and she knew that her flower would feel as though she hadn't waited for her, as though she had betrayed her, even though they'd both been married. This had looked like true love from the outside, she had realised, and she couldn't come back from this, she had no idea how to explain herself. It felt like she was forcing the brunette into a role-play that she didn't know about, that she was just using her to fill up the gap inside her heart. But she hadn't managed to plug it up completely, and she knew that eventually she was going to bleed out, as though from a fatal wound. She didn't know what to do. Should she give up this small part of broken happiness for someone else's chance of happiness or to give it all up, and follow her love wherever it was that she had gone, continue onto life's next big adventure. She wasn't sure that she truly wanted to give this life up, but who did? There weren't many who sailed into the next life without a doubt, and those who did had usually lived long, happy lives. She didn't have as many years under her belt as she had hoped for, but she was nothing without her. Neither of the woman she was stuck between would be any help in making this decision. No one could help. It had to be her decision and her decision alone. Maybe her destiny was to grow old cold and alone. Maybe she should sever all ties to her loves and become a nun. Or join a religious cult. Maybe taking her own life was the only real option she had. Although that wasn't something that she really wanted to consider for all too long, but it almost seemed as though the more she thought about it, the more appealing the idea became. She rolled out of bed, restless, and started pacing. The beauty in her bed awoke, almost as if she could feel her distress.

"Morning," she yawned, the frowned. "Gorgeous, what's wrong?" The blonde turned her tea-filled, piercing blue eyes to face her.

"I just, I-"

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"

"What?"

"I know. You still long for you. You long to have your flower back in your arms," she climbed out of the bed. "And I know that you're coming to break this off. I came to terms with it quite a long time ago, but I knew I'd fallen so I ldet myself clutch at this happiness while it lasted."

"Oh, Hermione, I am so sorry."

"I know. I know that you're not happy with me, and I would never make you stay with me. I would never force you. You belong with your Lily."

"I do," she whispered. "But I never meant to hurt you." She rested her hand on a smooth cheek, brushing a chestnut curl away from the side of her face.

"I mourned for us a long time ago. I've been able to tell how unhappy you've been for the last month. I think it's time for you to go to her."

"I can't believe I've hurt you in such a way. I am so sorry. So, so sorry."

"I know," she tried to smile bravely. "I'll just through it, I'm tougher than I seem. I've been through a lot, but this isn't healthy. Staying together would have been even worse."

"I know, I never should have stayed."

The brunette sighed. "No, you shouldn't have. But I let you."

"I do love you."

"No, you love the her in me." The blonde stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek.

"I hope you find someone who deserves you."

"Maybe, one day I will." The brunette returned the kiss and then turned around and left the room, leaving on her terms, leaving Narcissa to go back to her love.


End file.
